I literally wrote 2 pages worth of bullshit as to why I’m not celebrating New Years this year. I just deleted them. This is going to be an “excuses free” year as well. When it comes down to it, I’m not celebrating because I have my son. I wasn’t suppose to have him, but my ex is sick (2nd New Years in a row). I’m not complaining, I love being with him. Another reason why I’m not celebrating the New Year is my plans were cancelled. After breaking up with my boyfriend…or whatever he was, I am in no mood to party. I’d probably end up being that drunken, crying girl at the party anyways. Or the slut. In either case, I think it’s best I just stay in and snuggle the night away. I’ll be asleep by 10 I’m sure. Oh look at that, my son is fast asleep and it’s 6:30. Nice, now I’m truly alone. Should I poke him? Mommy needs some company……ughhhh pathetic yet again.
I’m feeling quite negative at the moment, in case you couldn’t tell. Have you ever felt like you were running so fast but staying in the same place? Or maybe that your life keeps going in a circle? I have been making the same mistakes for my entire life. I choose the wrong man, I never stick to healthy eating and I sure as hell can’t save a dime. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve done so many right things, like: went to college (paid for it myself), got a great job, I have a wonderful family and I have some close, true friends. Am I comforted by not being comfortable? Is my balance to be unbalanced? God, I hope not.
Although I’ve set my goals in the first post of this blog I’ve thought of a few more. Not resolutions (please ignore the date of me writing this), but more like ways of life. How I want to live my life always. In general, I want to be a good person. Better than I am now. I also want to break whatever it is that binds me to these bad behaviours I’ve been indulging in for the 33 years I’ve been alive. That’s easier said then done. I’ll stick to a month by month basis. In January, each day I will do one good deed for a stranger. That’s my “be a good person” goal. Next, I will eat mostly unprocessed and gluten free foods with little to no meat. Lastly, I will make a budget for my bills and savings and come out at the end of the month in the green.
Hmmmm……sounds like resolutions to me now that I read it. We’ll see how this goes.
Sorry, I’m bitchy today.
PS. I forgot to write that I was invited out to another New Years event tonight……………………………………………thanks mom. *grumble, grumble*